Any-who....I've been super busy with work and trying to spend time with my family that I haven't really had the time to sit down and write on my blog. Also, I've had some things said to me that I needed a nice long "cool off" time before I decided to write again so I wouldn't put a few people on blast. I will share a little because I'm still pretty irritated and this is my place to vent and get things out...I will however leave out who these people are because the last thing I need is drama in my life and especially around the holidays.
So, I decided since I hadn't had any kind of contact (text, message, Facebook, face-to-face, anything) that I would write a letter and let these people know how I felt. I wasn't trying to be rude but explained how hurt I felt that there had been no contact. And one of them is pregnant and due March 6 (Dayton's due date was March 8) so I explained that with her pregnancy progressing at the exact same time frame mine was last year that it would be difficult for me to be around her and especially around the holidays. I also said that with all the awkwardness between all of us that I would not be present for the holidays. Well, here's some clips of the response I got....only from one of them though, because the other one never responded.
"I don't understand the anger at ______about the due date..as you said that wasn't planned"
I never said I was angry at her. I said I was hurt and it's going to be a difficult time for me to see someone celebrating a new baby while I am having to celebrate my baby's 1st birthday with him in Heaven and not here with us.
"I'm sorry you guys are hurt but how many times before Dayton died did you call and ask people how they were and how they felt?"
So, if we never called someone to see how they were before, then when our baby died that means they should be excused from asking how we are?
"We will leave you alone until you want us in your life again..."
That was the whole point of the letter....you've already left me alone and not made any contact!
However, after that whole ordeal I did learn something. I learned that with a lot of friends and family I set my expectations of them too high.
The next subject that's been on my mind a lot lately is the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting. Every time I think of it I have to hold back tears. My oldest son Davin is 5 years old, will be 6 in less than 2 months, and in Kindergarten. 18 of the kids at Sandy Hook were 6 years old. They were Davin's age and size. Ever since Friday I have caught myself staring at him and thinking how terrified and confused a child his age and size must have been. What would have been going through their minds? And the ones who survived....can you imagine how terrified they are going to be to go back to school tomorrow? I can't imagine what you could say to make a child want to go back to school after witnessing those events. Yes, obviously for a while they will be in a different school, but still....What if something falls off the shelf, or something pops and makes a loud noise? It's going to take those kids immediately back to that day! I'm actually scared to take Davin to school tomorrow. Every morning I drive him up to the sidewalk, give him hugs & kisses, tell him to be good & listen to his teacher, and to have a good day and I will see him later. I'm sure that's what a lot of the Sandy Hook parents did Friday morning....and 20 of them didn't get to see their kids later. Schools are supposed to be safe. Parents are supposed to feel like their kids are safe while they are at school. I know that Davin's school keeps all the doors and gates locked once school begins, and I know all the staff would do anything to keep the kids safe.....but after hearing of someone shooting their way into an Elementary school and then going into classrooms and shooting teachers and kids, I'm sure millions of people are scared to send their children to school tomorrow. All I can do is pray for those families and hug and kiss Davin a lot more than usual. I hope you all will pray for those involved as well, and also hug and kiss your children a little more too!
