After my last blog I thought about giving up the whole public writing thing and just going back to using only my personal journal. Apparently, people get offended when you speak about how you feel. I'm not going to apologize. This is my blog and it is my space to get out my thoughts and feelings. If you don't like how I feel and what I write then don't read my blog. It's not here for you. What it is here for is:
1) To help me! To get my feelings and thoughts out so I don't explode trying to hold everything in.
2) To hopefully help other baby loss moms who may at times feel the same as I do but can't or don't talk about it or express it.
And most importantly 3)For Dayton. I remember him and always will. Jason and Davin remember him and I know some of my family/friends will always remember him. But other family/friends....I'm tired of trying to "remind" you of him so he doesn't get forgotten.
Some of you reading this may think "how could I ever forget him?" Maybe you won't, but you don't let me know that! It has really surprised me at the people who have really taken the effort in the last (almost) 7 months to just let me know that they are thinking of Dayton as well as thinking of me! I cherish those people so much. How hard is it to send a text, post on my Facebook wall, send me a private message or e-mail just to say something like "I've had Dayton on my mind this morning, thinking of you."; "Hope you are doing well, hugs."; "Been thinking of you and praying." ?? With that said, once again I don't want my phone, messages, e-mail or whatever blowing up from people trying to cheer me up and bring me comfort. I know who can act normal around me, and can send me a simple sentence to make my day, and not be selfish about doing it or avoid doing it because it makes them feel awkward. I know who those people are....and it's people I never expected it from!
These are my feelings, my thoughts, my blog. I'm not going to sensor and sugar coat my thoughts and feelings to make other people happy or feel better or comfortable. If you don't like what I feel, then please don't read my blog anymore because that's what this whole blog is about: MY thoughts and MY feelings while trying to handle losing MY son!
You definitely should not have to apologize for expressing yourself in any way. Like you already said, you do this for YOU and it's a good way of expressing your feelings especially if you feel like you don't have anyone else to vent to. I may not tell you every day but I do think about you and your family on a daily basis. It's impossible not to because our pregnancies were so close and I was so excited for our boys. I can't help but look at Ax and know that his little friend left this world before he got to meet him and I still think about Dayton as a friend of Ax's. I often get mad about what happened... horribly sad for you and your family but mad because it's just not fair and I can only imagine how you feel but I know I still can't even fathom the extent of it. It has been hard for me... knowing how close they were and most of the time I don't really know what to do or say and I wish things were normal but I just don't want to make you sad any more than you already are. I have wanted to send you a message for a while now... I just end up not posting it because I don't want the words to come out wrong. I honestly will never forget Dayton or what he looks like.. his cute little nose! I too wish I could watch him grow up though. I enjoy seeing Davin growing up now... when I first met him, he was barely talking. I think it's great you are keeping the memory of Dayton going strong and Davin will always be a great big brother and never forget his little brother.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kori, and I know you and Cam are there for us. I'm sure it's hard for y'all also, but thank you for the kind words and letting us know how much y'all care. It really means everything to Jason and I!
DeleteI found your blog through the Still Standing blog hop & I am so, so sorry anyone is giving you a hard time about sharing your thoughts & feelings. Wishing you much support & peace~
ReplyDeleteYou go girl!!
ReplyDelete