Being Angry

I haven't been doing so well lately. I've had a lot going through my mind, my moods go from ok to pissed in a split second. I'm constantly in a daze or just ignoring everything around me. I've been through the sad, crying, depressed stage and it still visits me every now and again, but lately I've just been mad. Sometimes I don't know why, I'm just mad and irritable and nothing is going the way I want it to! I have no patience, I snap at Jason, I snap at Davin. I hate it....I would much rather be crying! This whole time I've heard others say that they've been mad at God and yelled at him and just let it all out. I've been mad, but I never was really mad at God. Well, today I was. Today I had my first little "outburst" and yelled at Him. I got a lot off my chest, and I felt better for at least a few minutes afterward.

I've got a lot I'm trying to deal with right now. A lot more than most people can handle! I'm trying to get stuff off my chest, but there's some things I feel like I need to keep to myself. I don't want people to think I'm being rude, or bitter or whatever. But at the same time, I wish they could walk in my shoes for just one day so they can see, feel, and know what I'm going through and feeling.

There's been a lot of pregnancy announcements lately....it seems like they never end. All of these announcements though are extremely hard for me, because the due dates are all close to Dayton's. So, more people on Facebook are hidden so I don't have to see their sonogram pictures, growing belly pictures, gender announcements and so on. I'm really not mad/upset at people for being pregnant, I know it may seem that way but I'm really not. I don't expect the whole world to just put aside what they want because of me and my issues. I know what it feels like to want a baby, and I'm happy for the people that are getting pregnant and will soon have a baby in their arms! I've unhidden a lot of my friends that recently had babies or are farther along in their pregnancy....but the ones that are just announcing and are 7-9 weeks right now, that's hard. Last year this time, I was 8 weeks. Dayton was due March 8th. So, all the women that are due around then, their pregnancy will go along with the same time frame mine was last year and I just can't deal with that.

I'm trying. I really am. I want to have good days, but right now I'm having a hard time. This is the first time in the past 5 months (well except for the first few weeks) that a bad day or bad moment has stuck around for multiple days.... So, please excuse my quietness (more than normal), my moodiness, my not congratulating you and being ecstatic, my not really wanting to hang out and do stuff, and whatever else.