Thankful

I am so thankful for Davin! I always have been, but after losing Dayton it has made me even more thankful for him. So many baby loss moms don't have any other living children, and others who struggle with infertility or other medical issues may never get the chance to experience pregnancy, labor, and have their own child. I'm thankful for Dayton too. No, he's not here with me like I wish he was, but I got to have him for 36 weeks. I got to see my belly get bigger; I got to wear maternity clothes; I got to feel him move, and I got to find out he was a boy; I got to go through labor with him and hold him. So many women didn't get to experience those things before they lost their child. So I'm thankful for Dayton and the time and memories I did get to share with him!

Going back to Davin....I'm trying to write down everything he says about Dayton so I won't forget. Tonight we were all sitting on the couch watching TV and out of the blue Davin asks if Dayton was dead. I replied with "yes baby he is." He went back to playing with his stuffed animals and then a few minutes later said "I want another baby to be in your tummy." He sure does know how to make me tear up! I was trying not to cry and just smiled at him. Then he went back to playing again. Then a couple more minutes he saw clouds on my computer background and he asked if they were clouds. I said yes baby, and he said "Dayton lives in the clouds." I smiled again and said yes he sure does live in the clouds! He then said "Dayton is an angel and he lives in the clouds, does he live in a castle?" I said sure I bet he does live in a castle! And Davin replied with "Yes, he lives in a castle. When we become angels we're going to live in the clouds in the castle too."

I love that Davin thinks and talks about Dayton. It makes me so sad that I can't really make him understand why Dayton isn't here with us. But I don't want him to ever forget that he is a big brother. He has a baby brother in Heaven and I want him to always think about him, talk about him and everything! He even drew a picture of ALL of us today! It had clouds at the top with Dayton below the clouds and then me, Jason, and Davin at the bottom. I'm thankful for a lot of things, but I'm extremely thankful for the time I did have with Dayton, and for every day I have had and will have with Davin! And even though I cry when Davin says something about Dayton, I'm thankful that he's old enough that he does ask questions and bring him up because it makes me so happy to hear him say something about Dayton or draw a picture of him!