Sweet Memories

I don't have as many memories or keepsake items of Dayton as I would love to have, but I am very thankful for the ones I do. I'm glad I kept a pregnancy journal while I was pregnant with him. I love going back and reading about all my Dr appointments, my cravings, moods, and when I first felt him kick. I'm also glad I have all the pictures I do. I have pictures of me throughout my pregnancy gradually getting bigger and bigger, and I also have beautiful, professional photographs of him after he was born. I never want to forget anything, but I know forgetting is a natural thing that happens and you can't do anything about it. Without my journal/blog and my pictures I would be forgetting so many sweet memories. After talking with other baby loss moms there are so many that don't have any photographs or the ones they do have are not very good quality, and they didn't keep any kind of journal. I can't imagine going a single day without looking at Dayton's pictures, let alone months & years... I also have the memory box that the hospital gave us. It has his footprints, his left hand print, the hand made blanket he was wrapped in, a little gown he wore, and a heart shaped pillow that his little hand was resting on in a picture I have. My mom had started making a quilt for him and it was almost finished, but she felt she needed to leave it unfinished just like he was so I put that in there too. My sister had some tag blankets made for him so I added them, I kept his "little brother" onesie and put it in there, and there is also the funeral guest book and all the cards that we received from family and friends. All of his "things" I keep in a medium sized plastic Rubbermaid box. It makes me sad to think that everything I have of him and all the memories fit into a box. But then again, I have a lot more than other baby loss moms and I'm thankful. I'm eventually going to get us a fire proof safe of some sort to keep his "box" in because if there was ever a fire (and I pray that I never have to experience a house fire) but I want to know that his things are safe. I can buy us all new clothes, Davin new toys, new furniture, but those memories and items could never be replaced and it scares me. I wish I could carry all of his things with me everywhere I go.

I may not be able to carry his things with me everywhere I go, but I will always have his little hand resting on my arm. I wish I had more time with him, I wish I had more items that he touched...that were truly "his", I wish I had more photos. But, all I can do is be thankful for what I do have...because I'm lucky to have the things and sweet memories that I do.